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Let the bell sound for ROUND TWO. DING DING DING!

I have officially decluttered my apartment for the second year in a row. I have now relentlessly purged and ordered. Hallways can be traversed once more, and knick knacks have homes. My apartment finally seems like it can breath.

The impetus for decluttering was The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, by Marie Kondo. I was determined to follow her regimen strictly this year, downsizing my giant katamari-ball of stuff. If done right, Kondo promises, I will love everything in my space, ideas will come more freely, and I may even detox and lose weight. Who knew such great perks could come from throwing away excess q-tips!

Determined to declutter dogmatically, I reread Kondo's manual and referred to it as I went. "I have just finished decluttering papers. Now I must declutter komono (miscellany). I just need to beware of mementos. Mementos must be saved for last. Mementos are the downfall."


Kondo has a specific order for how one must declutter in order to emotionally tackle it. She doesn't expressly say that this is why - but this is why. Since her methodology is based on "joy sparks" in the heart, she pushes you build up some stamina and kindling before letting you tackle the dreaded mementos. Even though you may love your sister, and you love the kindness with which she bought you the green "unusual words" book, you want it gone. It carries with it a happy memory that you are thankful for, but you still want it gone. This is ok! Strictly following Kondo's rules, I thanked the book for happy memories, and shipped it to Goodwill.

In order to sense the heart's "joy sparks," Kondo demands a sensory experience. You have to fondle each item and determine if you are madly in love with it or not. In order to fully have a one on one moment with each item, you own, you should first gather all items of that type into a pile on your bed before handling each one. During this process I learned that I love lace, the color blue, patterned clothing, and black accessories. I also learned that my love of stationary runs deeper than I knew. I've been collecting postcards from everywhere I've gone since my elementary school field trips (Yea Luray Caverns!)

Discarding in this holistic way did not strike me as strange and/or revolutionary. I have always cleaned by sorting this way. However, I have not always organized in the Konmari method. For the first time, my socks do not sit in balls. My pants are stacked vertically instead of horizontally, and my books, playbills, and empty journals all live in one place.

If you'd like to declutter using the Konmari method you can follow these steps:

 1. Read The Life-Chaning Magic of Tidying Up. It's a short book. It won't take you long.

 2. Do Marie Kondo's thought exercise. Ask yourself, "What is the lifestyle that I want?" Then, ask "why" at least 3-4 times.

Here's mine: I want a creative lifestyle, with lots of color, comfort, and room to move and dance. Why? Because movement and creation make me happy. Why? Because then I've either created something beautiful on paper, or with my body. Why? Because unlike my childhood self- I want to SHARE my beauty and creations with the world. I want to be a beautiful presence in the world. Why? I mean THE WORLD. I want to travel and be able to easily do so. I'd rather experiences over material possessions. 

3. Put everything of one type in a pile and discard everything that doesn't spark joy.

4. Reorganize neatly what remains.

via GIPHY

Did I lose weight using the Konmari method? Hell, no! However, I did end up reorganizing every room in the house for better flow. I can now have company over. I've rediscovered my fossils and put them on display. My hammock has been freed from it's proximity to the litter box, and I have enough space to hula hoop. It works for me.

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A goal of a true Renaissance woman is to try new things. However, for many things you have to try for longer than one day in order to claim that you have really "tried them" in a way that implies effort.

Take flossing for example. I have been told to floss every 6 months for the last 25 years of my life. So in honor of year 26, I have decided to listen. I decided that this year I would try to floss everyday. And like all lofty goals- this one flopped. 

So, I decided to try for a month. They say that it only takes 21 days to form a habit. (Although apparently "they" is wrong) I even added it to my planner, along with my other goal for the month, meditating. This resulted in the obvious portmanteau for all of your health needs: flossitate. 

Flossitate. 

I piggybacked my habit onto brushing my teeth as was suggested in this article, and decided that I would politely ignore the good advice in this article and this article.

I made a (secret of course) inspiration board on pinterest with inspirational photos for a great flosser. 

See comic source here

Yet I'm still only flossing 80% of the time. The verdict? Though your dental hygienist strongly recommends it, I do not. Flossing is painful, and results in bleeding even when you are past the time period where that should have subsided. It breaks and snaps back at you and can cause frequent wincing reactions. It requires daily effort and I do not condone it.*

*These are the opinions of this author and do not reflect the opinions of dentists, dental hygienists, or anyone with actual knowledge of this field. 

Edit: For really strong advice on picking goals that matter I recommend reading this.

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No poo. What sounds like an anti-diarrheal is in fact a movement toward less frequent shampooing in favor of "water only" (WO) washes or apple-cider vinegar and baking soda washes. I have been advised by many a hairstylist to begin shampooing every other day, and instead scrub with water only on the in-between days (an unsurprising suggestion considering that scrubbing more than once a week only came in vogue in the 1970s). I've tried it, and I'm in favor of any beauty regiment that is in fact lazier than my prior one.

Does anyone else's mind jump right to science fair volcanos when they hear those two ingredients?

However, the No poo movement leaves me with one burning question: what about conditioner? What is the purpose of conditioner? Until now it hadn't struck me that I didn't actually know. Maybe I should be seriously concerned that I was scrubbing cream into my hair without actually knowing the purpose of it. All I know is that it makes my hair stiff and gluey like a hair helmet. 

According to the internet, conditioner  is used to change the texture and appearance of the hair. Some sources have cited it's need to change the pH of the hair, others to detangle, others to moisturize after the stripping caused by shampoo.

However, multiple sources also noted that "fine, untreated, and oily hair can also benefit from hair conditioner, but with LESS frequent applications."(1)

If you have not "treated" your hair with lots of products then conditioner might be for you. If you have not "treated" your hair, then your texture and appearance may be just right as is. It sounds like Occam's Razor doesn't it? The solution is the simplest and possibly falsifiable one.

The purpose of conditioner is to fix the problems caused by other hair products!