tHGie

It has taken me a long time to write about one thing that I tried because thinking about it stirs up a lot of strong feelings for me. I need to talk about it, however. I tried to teach. I taught in one charter school and one public school. I succeed at times, and didn't at others and briefly chronicled my findings in a different blog.

I loved many parts of teaching. I loved when students made personal connections to what they were learning. I loved that both my students and I were eager to go to after school tutoring. I loved watching students gain confidence in themselves. I loved planning  silly engaging activities. I loved determining what would be a good extension for my early finishers. (I picked coding) I loved recommending books and getting book reviews back. I loved playing around the world when we were lined up well and had a moment to spare. I really did love a lot of different things about teaching.

I'm a hard worker and I wanted to push myself every minute for those kids. I didn't have a work/life balance at all, and I went to bed exhausted every night. I came in every weekend to better the learning environment in some way. I practically stopped drinking water so that I wouldn't have to go the bathroom during the day.

Emotionally I carried my students' struggles as if they were my own. How can I better assist in their learning? How do I make sure that they are eating? If I wasn't emotionally taxed enough the administrators at my schools set up meetings with data analysis of standardized tests to function as a new stressor. Walk throughs would be conducted frequently without any useful discussion following. And me- I carried that with me too.

I gave up everything when I tried teaching, and I crashed with a the speed and force of a rocket. I wasn't the first and I won't be the last. Teachers are amazing people. The ones that persevere and continue teaching do so in spite of low wages, superhuman expectations, and communal disrespect. It wasn't for me, and in the era of ineffectual country mandated high stakes testing I think many others will turn away from it. Kudos to those who don't.